Life is what you make of it!
I find myself apologising for the way I am wayyyy too often. Having Tourettes Syndrome makes for some awkward encounters, I’m sure more of my embarrassing scenarios will come to light throughout my blog!
Contrary to what’s portrayed in the media & assumptions on TS- only 10% of people with Tourettes Syndrome have swear words as regular tics.
I encourage people to laugh at my tics as I know people often feel super uncomfortable. For me- I find it quite amusing watching people’s responses to my tics – particularly if they don’t know I have Tourettes- ignoring it, asking me to repeat what I said, bouncing from one foot to the other looking uncomfortable wishing they didn’t engage in the first place- and my favourite… the baby voice response- I’m 19 and have only been living with TS to my knowledge for 8 months, I assure you- It’s likely I’m more switched on than you & I am in fact studying an English Degree so the need for the baby voice isn’t really necessary- although my TS in partner with my ME can make it hard to communicate sometimes (Tic attacks as I like to call them) Talking about me rather than to me simply is unnecessary. I’m very switched on. This is something funnily enough Medical Professionals Fail to Understand. I Went 18 years being my own voice and mind- just because I have a new diagnosis doesn’t change that.
A Tic of mine is ‘ I have Tourettes going once going twice sold to me’- I like this one, although I do feel subconsciously that I clearly feel the need to address the fact I have Tourettes in order to fit into societies norm. British people particularly don’t communicate with strangers, I don’t know whether it’s a prestigious thing – thinking they’re all high and mighty- or a fear of what they will engage in or embarrassment- it’s bizarre. Having TS I talk to everyone constantly- when I feel comfortable and I am not suppressing my tics- you can hear me coming from a mile away.
I am beginning to compile a list of funny tics- I go through obsessional phases surrounding topics ‘eggs- eggs and bacon.com’ ‘German girls’ ‘tiny little ladies and small mummies’ To people who don’t know I have TS I most likely appear mad- I insult people quite a lot- although often completely obscure insults ‘big teeth’ ‘dog hair’ ‘shhhhh I’m the only talker here you’re boring.’ AWKWARD.
I am often embarrassed when my tics (aka Patricia) blurt these insults out to people at incredibly inappropriate times – I find myself apologising to people a lot- although frankly I don’t think I am sorry, it’s their problem if they take offence as my tics aren’t me.
Having TS I’ve gained a few new ‘personality traits’- I’m the only one allowed to talk- Patricia (my tics) is quite big headed and simply loves the sound of herself more than anyone else in the room.
I’ve always been a very anxious person who hates the thought of anyone looking at me, body/ self confidence are both things I’ve struggled with pre and post being diagnosed with invisible disabilities, and breaking my coccyx which consequently caused me to gain a lot of weight. Interestingly I have a lot of self doubt- through my Tourettes I come across as a bit of an arrogant bitch. Something that if you know me well- you know I feel the polar opposite – The thought of people staring at me triggered past anxieties & these feelings had to rapidly be dealt with as in February 2019 my TS started to be more present- I struggled to suppress it and people simply were looking at me a lot more- I hate it, but it’s natural for someone to feel inquisitive into what the weird noises are around the room. It’s me – although a lot of the time I don’t know I’ve produced the noises or words out loud!
I’m conscious not to become ‘The girl with Tourettes- Lauren’ & to simply be ‘Lauren- who incidentally does have TS’ I am studying English Language & Linguistics & therefore must have some level of brain power which is above average- humorously many people talk about me or past me as if I am a child who is uneducated or struggles to understand. Feel free to message me with anything that might be good for me to discuss!